Retail Therapy
by Rubber dukky and Spunge head
Summary: In a moment of pure insanity, Severus Snape agreed to go to Diagon Alley with Aurielle Sinistra; unaware that it would mean being dragged around countless overpriced shops and being stalked by a certain day-dreaming Ravenclaw.


**Retail Therapy**

A/N – This is just a wee fic set in the _Dark Intentions _universe. You don't have to read Dark Intentions to understand this but it might be useful... _hint hint. _

A Rubber Dukky fic but thanks v. much to Spungy for beta-ing and for laughing in all the right places.

**Time – **The last Wednesday of summer holidays

**Place - **Diagon Alley

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

The sky was an unpleasant dark grey colour and it was a surprisingly cold day for the end of August.

'_Typical' _Aurielle Sinistra thought bitterly. '_The day I choose to wear muggle summer stuff and no cloak, it has to be freezing cold and about to rain.'_

She looked up apprehensively, and the first few drops of rain started to fall onto her upturned face.

Snape glanced sideways and saw her staring at the sky. "It's your own fault," he said boredly. "You should have worn more suitable attire."

"Oh shut up and give me your cloak," she snapped.

"Give you my cloak???" he cried, outraged. "I think not."

"Please..."

"No."

Aurielle thought hard for a moment, then decided that there wasn't anything she could blackmail him with. "It _is _my birthday tomorrow. Oh yes, you should buy me a present too."

Snape scowled. Aurielle looked sideways and smiled. This was a favourite game of hers, seeing how much it took to irritate Snape to exploding point. Normally, he was less tolerant than this. Maybe she washaving a positive effect on him... Dumbledore _had _warned her that might happen.

"Fine, that's just fine, but now you'll have to come with me whilst I look around all the clothes shops for a new jacket," she said. "In fact, maybe you could buy me one for my birthday..."

Glowering, Snape wrenched off his cloak and thrust it into her arms. "Did you consider that I might be cold now?"

She grinned and put on the cloak, which was at least two sizes too large. "Well yes, but unfortunately, my need is greater than yours." She looked down at the folds of black material swishing around her legs and trailing onto the ground. "Thank you, honey," she reached up and kissed him on the cheek before he could even open his mouth to object to being called 'honey'.

"Hold it up when you walk, I don't want it trailing on the ground," he snapped.

"I will... if you ask me what I want for my birthday," Aurielle said, deciding that the 'subtle hints to make sure you actually get what you want for your birthday this year' article that she'd read in this month's _Witch Way _really weren't working.

Snape appeared to be trying hard to stay calm. "What would you like for your birthday, Aurielle?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"Oh! How nice of you to ask!" she cooed. "Well... I wouldn't mind the new 'Criminals on the Loose' CD, or those really nice shoes in the window of that shop we passed earlier... "

"Those shoes were ridiculous. They would be difficult to walk in for anybody, but for you..." he smirked, "you might just make it out of the shop..."

"I am choosing to disregard that somewhat juvenile observation," Aurielle sneered in such a perfect imitation of Snape that he was a bit unnerved. "So what about the CD then?"

"Who was it again?"

Aurielle stared. "Don't tell me you haven't heard of 'Criminals on the Loose'. They're such a great band. They're the new Weird Sisters... well, the name sucks a bit but that's not important, of course."

Snape looked at her blankly.

"Don't look at me like that!" Aurielle cried, offended. "_Some _people_, _for example, I, happen to be up-to-date on current musical affairs!"

"Ah right," he smirked, "It's a shame you can't be up-to-date on something more important."

"Yeah, and it's a shame you can't be up-to-date on anything," Aurielle snapped. "But anyway, the frontman is called Robin Banks; not his real name, obviously and he is soooo gorgeous. He's got this lovely curly blonde hair..." she sighed dreamily, "lovely... _clean _hair." Her eyes strayed towards the disgustingly oily strands of hair that hung limply around Snape's face, before realising that his hair wasn't actually looking as bad as usual today.

In fact, it looked a _lot_ better. She would probably go as far as to say it looked almost like a normal person's hair.

Well, maybe almost was a bit of an overstatement.

But still, that was very strange.

"Have you... um... done something to your hair?" she ventured, starting to feel concerned for his sanity. This was _very _odd behaviour.

To her amusement, Snape looked uncomfortable. "No, I erm... haven't" he said brusquely.

"_Yes you have, you liar!" _Aurielle thought gleefully, _"You washed it! You washed it because..."_

"But anyway, back to Criminals on the Loose," she said suddenly, trying to block out the scary 'why _did_ he wash his hair?' thoughts from her head. "Robin Banks is just gorgeous and in the interviews he always says really funny things. He's a brilliant guitar player and he sings so well," she said, glancing quickly at Snape, who looked furious.

"Oh come on Severus, don't tell me you're... _jealous," _she murmered, putting an arm around him.

"Don't be ridiculous," he said shortly. "Of course I'm not."

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

He turned so quickly that Luna only just had time to leap out of sight behind a giant plastic ice cream. She moved to the side slightly and peered out through the gap between the bottom of the ice cream and the top of the cone, earning a very strange look from a red-haired witch sitting outside a café opposite.

After finishing her shopping with an hour to spare before she was due to meet her dad, Luna Lovegood had been standing outside the Apothecary, wondering what to do. Just as she was about to make her was towards Florean Fortesque's ice cream parlour for her fifth sundae in just under an hour, she caught sight of Professor Sinistra of the astronomy department attempting to drag none other than Professor Snape into the new Designer Wizardwear shop just across the street. Too curious to resist, she abandoned the thought of yet another ice cream and followed them in, being careful to stay hidden behind the sale rail, which was perfectly positioned for her to hear every word they said.

"This is nice," Aurielle mused, holding up a robe in a violent shade of purple.

"No it's not. You'll look like Gilderoy Lockhart," spat Snape.

"Ok then. How about these? They're DKNY Wizardwear jeans."

"You'll look like a muggle."

"Don't be so prejudiced. Just because they had the best clothing ideas first and now we're slowing realising jeans and a t-shirt probably _are _more practical for a hot day than a big heavy robe."

Luna grinned from behind the sale rail. Snape glowered and folded his arms. "Thank you for the lecture. Are you finished now? because if so, we can leave."

"No, I am not finished," Aurielle snapped. "I really can't take you anywhere, can I?"

He smirked and turned towards the sale rail. Luna edged a bit more to the left, trying to look innocent as she hid behind a large witch who was enviously eyeing the top that Aurielle was holding.

"Yes," she said decidedly, "I think I'll buy this... unless..." she glanced at Snape, who was watching her. "Unless _you_ wish to part with a galleon or two?"

He grabbed the price tag and turned it over, then dropped it as it had bitten him. "Aurielle, that is slightly more than 'a galleon or two'" he hissed.

"Shhh!" she said, glancing furtively around for the shop assistant, "Don't say that, she might have heard!"

"Well, it's about time somebody informed her that her stock is overp..."

"Shut up!You're such an embarrassment!"

Luna's eyes were watering from the effort of trying not to laugh. She turned around, trying to breathe calmly and saw that they were at the cash desk. Deciding that this was a good time to escape, she edged past the large witch, around the back of the Designer Sock stand and back out into Diagon Alley.

"Luna, Luna!"

Luna turned around and saw a short, round boy waving at her from outside Flourish and Blotts across the street. She strolled over.

"Hello Neville. I've just been in that shop. Snape and Sinistra are in there too. I suppose they're dating, but it _does _seem unlikely," she said thoughtfully.

Neville stared at her. "Did you just say that Snape and..." he tailed off, looking fearfully at something behind Luna. She turned around just in time to see Snape sweeping away from the shop, looking angry. He appeared not to have noticed either of them. Sinistra was walking in the other direction but she stopped when she reached a group of witches sitting at a table outside 'Cauldron Coffees.'

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

The whole shopping trip had managed to piss Snape off so spectacularly that even Aurielle decided that it would be best if she got away from him as quickly as possible.

"So, um... I suppose I'll see you at Hogwarts in a few days," she said, as they left the Designer Wizardwear shop.

"Yes... unfortunately," he scowled. She opened her mouth to say something back, but he wasn't there. She frowned and span around, looking for him. He had disappeared.

It suddenly occurred to her that he never did actually buy a present...

'_Oh well, I can't really have expected one. We are talking about Snape, after all,' _Aurielle thought gloomily as she walked off towards 'Cauldron Coffees', where she had just spotted two witches that she knew.

"Ria!" screeched Ariadne Louveste, an ex-Hogwarts DADA professor. "I haven't seen you for..." she stopped suddenly and glanced distastefully at Aurielle's clothes. "Erm, would it be rude to ask you why you're wearing a tent?"

Aurielle looked down in horror at the folds of black material swishing around her legs and trailing onto the ground.

She was still wearing Snape's cloak.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Thank you very much for reading... hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
